I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
