My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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