**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
