Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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