my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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