A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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