I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
