I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
