The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
