I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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