We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
