Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
