Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
