well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
