you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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