I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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