I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
