my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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