I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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