Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
