she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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