mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
