Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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