Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
