I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
