Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
