I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
