I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
