I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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