Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
