Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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