Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just cropdusted the office
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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