i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How's work?
Spinning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
