i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
