waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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