Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
