That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
