Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sext me about skeletons
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
