sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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