This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
