Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
