I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
