My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
