No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
