Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
