if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
