I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
