I wish I could punch you in the face.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
