if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
