Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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