You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
