I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
