PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
