my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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