so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
