Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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