White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
